Patching Up Port Charles

Charity GH Auction on eBay

2008-01-20T14:44:00.000-06:00

Michelle, one of the members at a GH board I frequent (Something about You) has placed several GH items up for auction on eBay. All of the proceeds from the auctions will go to the MDA and the Children's Medical Center in Dallas!

An enlarged magazine cut-out of Ted King (ex-Lorenzo)

An enlarged magazine cut-out of Bradford Anderson (Spinelli)

A "Teddy Bear Zone" sign autographed by several GH cast members

(Here's a link to the original post.)

Caption This!

2008-01-19T10:18:00.000-06:00

I could write an entry about Carly's discovery of Jake's paternity, but there's one problem -- I liked it. I liked it quite a lot, actually. Any time Carly is called on her immature and selfish behavior by more than one character over a few weeks -- and this time it was Sam, Liz, Jason, Sonny, and Jax -- I'm a happy viewer. As much as I dislike Carly, I thought Laura Wright did a good job of staying in character with her version of Carly's psychological framework during the story. It's all about me, me, me with Carly, and that was nicely conveyed, especially in her confrontations with Sonny and Jax.

Of course, I could have done without her super-fast reconciliation with Fake-British-Jax on Thursday, but one can't have everything, I suppose.

So, instead of a long rant about how I would have written the storyline -- because I wouldn't have changed much about Carly's discovery or reactions -- I humbly offer the best screencap of the ordeal from Clarissa and ask you to add your own captions. It's an interactive entry, everyone! :)

Slip-Shod Storytelling; or, How the GH Writers Are Incapable of Writing a Responsible HIV Storyline

2008-01-18T22:43:00.000-06:00

(Note: This post contains some spoilers.)

A combination of heading back for a new semester and legitimately enjoying the majority of this week’s shows has made blogging about how to fix General Hospital seem a little purpose-less. But two related things happened on the show today that I feel compelled to write about…

I’ve been pretty happy with the material that Garin Wolf and the scab writers have been producing this month so far. Many of the characters are acting like themselves again, and the shows have been balanced with a good mix of storylines and actors. The scenes featuring Lucky, Carly, Ric, and Alexis have been especially good. Sonny calling Carly on her hypocritical behavior over Jake’s paternity was delicious. Lucky telling Sam that he understood her problems and needed her to fix them on her own was a breath of fresh air. Diane and Alexis’s conversation about men and violence in their lives was intelligent. Perhaps best of all, Ric’s scenes with Trevor, Alexis, and Skye have shown a growing maturity in his character.

Maturity, though, apparently only extends so far on the show. I’ve written before about my hopes for the Robin/Patrick storyline and the possibility of a groundbreaking HIV pregnancy on daytime television. After today, we know for sure that we’re going to see that HIV pregnancy storyline on the show – Robin’s pregnant. The problem, though, is the way that it happened and, more crucially, the way that both she and Patrick have chosen to deal with it.

Education should be a major component of any story written around Robin’s HIV status. The writers have a responsibility to use this intelligent and capable legacy character as a way to teach the wider audience about what it means to live with the virus. They have made strides in that way before – the way that her HIV status was dealt with when she and Patrick first slept together, for example, was sensitive and thoughtful. But the writers have decided to present the story of Robin’s pregnancy in a wholly irresponsible way.

Robin became pregnant when she slept with Patrick on the night of Georgie’s funeral. The two of them undoubtedly used protection – responsible – but apparently the condom failed. Thus began the confusing and, in my opinion, irresponsible, series of half-truths and omissions that changed a potentially compelling and informative storyline into an outright mess:

1) Patrick knew that the condom broke and didn’t tell Robin.

Patrick was responsible for telling Robin that their protection failed; she absolutely had the right to know that she faced the possibility of pregnancy. Some may argue that Patrick was simply giving Robin what she truly wanted by allowing a possible pregnancy to develop, but I don’t see it that way. That’s not a romantic gesture. That’s a poor decision.

2) Robin found out she was pregnant and didn’t discuss it with Patrick.

I know Kimberly McCullough tried to justify Robin’s decision not to tell Patrick about the pregnancy based on Robin’s hopes for a baby and her fears that Patrick would compel her to terminate the pregnancy (which I don’t think would be consistent with Patrick’s character), but to have an HIV-positive woman realize that her lover ran the risk of contracting HIV and not immediately tell him about it was wholly irresponsible writing. It was a bad message to send to the viewership as a whole, even if it does set up a soapy “we both know, but we’re not discussing it” storyline later. Even though she reportedly overhears a conversation between Patrick and Leo that confirms that Patrick has started on the drug protocol, she still needs to sit down and have a conversation with him about the risks. That’s what a smart woman who takes responsibility for her life and for her HIV status should do – that’s what Robin would do if written in character, I think.

3) Patrick was exposed to HIV and still slept with Leyla – without an on-screen conversation discussing the risks to her if they had sex.

This sends a dangerous message, period. Patrick has been written as a playboy in the past, and his relationship with Leyla is problematic at best and disastrous at worst, but I can’t believe Patrick wouldn’t warn Leyla about the risks for transmitting HIV before they slept together. I suppose it’s entirely possible that he did so off-screen, but not providing that conversation for the viewers runs the risk of demonstrating to the uninformed viewer that casual sex after HIV exposure is not dangerous.

And it’s not like this story is the first time that the HIV factor in the Patrick/Robin story has been irresponsibly dealt with by the writers. When Patrick and Robin had a pregnancy scare in 2007 after a broken condom, the story was all about Robin’s desire for a baby and Patrick’s absolute refusal to be a father. Robin’s HIV status or Patrick being put on a drug protocol after being tested? Never mentioned.

I’m certain that a part of the reason the writers want to pursue this storyline is the potential for accolades from the public. In fact, I’m convinced that this story is more about the novelty of writing a pregnancy for an HIV-positive woman than it is about writing a pregnancy for a legacy character on the show. If that’s true, I cannot fathom why the writers would choose to make this story more about a soapy angle than about a realistically presented HIV pregnancy. Writing a pregnancy for an HIV-positive woman that began with a broken condom and the couple’s refusal to talk with each other or their other sexual partners about the possibility of transmitting the disease shouldn’t earn the writers any awards or praise – it should earn them the scorn of communities that have tried for so many years to educate the public on the importance of candor and safety when dealing with HIV.

I’m disappointed, writers. Just as it’s Robin’s responsibility to tell Patrick about the possibility of exposure, it’s your responsibility to provide the viewers with adequate and correct information about HIV and how it is transmitted. Just as it’s Patrick’s responsibility to tell Robin about the potential for her pregnancy, it’s your responsibility to help the viewers of GH who don’t know much about the virus that causes AIDS to understand the real ramifications of the virus for those who are living with it and their children. And perhaps most crucially, just as it’s Patrick’s responsibility to tell other sexual partners like Leyla that she may be at risk for contracting HIV if they have sex, it’s your responsibility to remind the public that safe sex practices are crucial in preventing the spread of HIV. So far, you’ve failed in all areas.

I can’t imagine that the writers who penned the Stone and Robin story – the same ones who made the groundbreaking decision for a legacy character to contract the virus – would see much merit in this HIV pregnancy story. They wrote a truly original and informative story for the public that helped to bring the truth about AIDS to a whole new audience. It’s a disgrace that the continuation of Robin’s story has been presented in such a crass, irresponsible, and potentially detrimental way. Robin’s character is certainly about more than just her HIV-positive status, but in this case, that status should be at the forefront of the story. And the writers and producers have dropped the ball yet again.

Best of the Week: January 7-11

2008-01-12T19:57:00.000-06:00

The true delight of this week? There were several actors and actresses who could have been given the title “best of the week.” The scripts under new (financial core) head writer Gavin Wolf have so far been measured and have featured nearly the entire cast. Scenes are quickly paced, and multiple storylines and characters are included in a single episode. The writing has improved, and the actors are bringing their A games. So far, so good, Mr. Wolf – even the small tweaks you’ve made to the GH formula have so far been enough to make me look forward to tuning in to the show every afternoon.

Best Actor of the Week: Greg Vaughn (Lucky Spencer)

Welcome back, Lucas Lorenzo Spencer, Jr.!

I love Lucky Spencer, and I’m not ashamed of that. He really is the ultimate legacy character, and he should be the leading man of this soap. The problem of late is that the character assigned to Greg Vaughn has seemed to share few traits with the son of Luke and Laura – he’s more often bumbling, vacant, and downright stupid than clever, brave, and just a little bit edgy.

Lucky came home to Port Charles this week under the watch of the scab writers. Friday’s scenes especially proved that it’s not Vaughn’s lack of acting talent that has kept him from truly inhabiting the role of Lucky: it’s the poor writing that paints him to be a hapless, ineffective police detective while heroic mobster Jason saves the day once again. Lucky can be a hero. Vaughn’s quiet intensity in his last scenes with Kelly Monaco’s Sam was wonderful – with his tone of voice alone, he conveyed how difficult the last few years truly have been for Lucky. Much is made of the losses and hardships of other characters, but strangely, it’s been glossed over for Lucky because of the mistakes he made as a result of his emotional turmoil. In the space of a few years, he’s watched his mother succumb again to a vegetative state, had a partner die, been seriously injured, developed an addiction to pain medication, coped with his father’s heart attacks, buried a best friend, divorced his childhood love (twice!), committed adultery, discovered that his brother has a brain tumor, and found out that the baby he thought was his really belonged to Jason.

But Greg Vaughn’s Lucky may have been looked over in the sorrow department because of the way he’s chosen to handle his life. The speech he gave Sam on Friday, coupled with his earlier scenes with Liz and the children he still considers his kids, showed that Lucky’s growing up and learning how to cope with his misfortunes. He’s taken responsibility for his life and has decided to make the best of an awful situation. I could transcribe the lines, but that would take away from the delivery. Here’s the scene, beginning at 2:10:

That’s character development. Here’s a cheer for Wolf and Co., and an even bigger one for Greg Vaughn. Welcome back, Lucky!

Best Actress of the Week: Robin Christopher (Skye Chandler Quartermaine)

I’m so glad that Skye got the send of she deserved. I’m always frightened these days when an actress leaves GH; it seems that the only way Guza knows to write off a female character anymore is to have her strangled. But Skye wasn’t murdered. Instead, she realized that she didn’t really have much left in Port Charles after both Alan and Lorenzo died, and she decided to cut her losses, unload all of Alcazar’s assets on Ric, and ride off into the sunset with Lila Rae.

Robin Christopher was excellent in all of her final scenes. After an amusing turn as Luke’s guide through hell a month ago, she was back in firm lead-actress mode in her final scenes. She sizzled with Ric, and made me a little sad that I’d never get to see their chemistry truly sparkle on screen. She had touching farewell scenes with Edward and Monica – another Q gone. Her last scene with Luke was classic; even Luke was back in fine form as the two of them said goodbye. But my vote for her best performance on her last day goes to her scenes with ex-husband Jax. The scab writers apparently actually know that Skye and Jax used to be married, and it was wonderful to have their relationship acknowledged on Skye’s last day in Port Charles. Here’s the scene I’m discussing, at the beginning of the clip:

You’ll be missed, Robin, but I hope you find a choice part on a show that has the space and the intelligence to really use your talent.

Bring It Back: The Marriage of Convenience

2008-01-11T23:53:00.000-06:00

There are lots of tried-and-true soap opera aspects that have been missing from General Hospital over the past few years: strong heroines, romantic stories, and brave heroes. They’ve tried to use some traditional soap plotting devices – like huge parties, crisis situations, paternity secrets, etc. – although most in a non-effective way. One that they haven’t tried to use, and I think they should, is the marriage of convenience.

I won’t lie – it’s my favorite clichéd, soapy plotline. Two people who aren’t in love and most likely hate each other are forced for various reasons to get hitched – and they always end up falling in love. Always. They have to, or it’s not a fabulous soapy cliché.

Two soaps in the past ten years have used the marriage of convenience to great effect. One is an ABC sister soap – All My Children. Their incredibly popular pairing, Zach and Kendall, began as a marriage of convenience. Kendall had just broken up with Zach’s son, Ethan (how soapy!), and wanted revenge. Zach was peeved because Ethan had shut down one of his businesses, and revenge sounded pretty good to him, too. The two decided marriage would be the best way to stick it to their son/former lover, and of course, in true soap fashion, they fell in love along the way. They’ve gained a huge fan base, and the drama surrounding the couple and their children is now at the center of the show.

Another marriage of convenience with a GH connection happened in the late’90s on Guiding Light: the union of Michelle Bauer and Danny Santos. The show airs on another network, but one of the writers currently working for GH, Michael Conforti – whose refusal to “deball” Lucky Spencer earns him my respect forever – was one of the writers integral to the Michelle/Danny storyline. Instead of revenge, this time personal safety was the reason for tying the knot. Michelle accidentally killed mobster Danny’s thuggish brother, and to keep his Mafioso mother from killing Michelle, Danny decided to make her part of the family. The two sparred endlessly for months, but in the end, Danny realized that his protective feelings for Michelle had turned to love. When she admitted the same, they married for real. A couple of kids and a defection for One Tree Hill later, the two rode into the sunset after providing Guiding Light with a surge in popularity.

(Robert and Holly admit that they love each other.)

GH can even look to its own history for examples of the marriage of convenience that gains fan popularity and provides great soap. The best example of this comes from the early ‘80s: Robert and Holly. Holly had been involved with Luke Spencer, and was even pregnant with his baby, but after he was presumed dead in an accident, she was threatened with deportation. To keep the baby in the US, close to Bobbie and the rest of the Spencers, Luke’s dashing best friend, police commissioner Robert Scorpio, stepped up and married Holly. In the end, she miscarried the baby, and Luke wasn’t dead after all, but Robert and Holly fell deeply in love and became fan favorites.

What General Hospital had then that it does not have today, chiefly, is romance. The problem isn’t budgetary … it’s not with the caliber of the acting … the problem, period, is that people watch soap operas – women watch soap operas – primarily for the romance. Adventures and mystery can certainly be a part of the action, but without underpinning romance stories, they do not work for this genre.

If putting the romance back in GH is the goal, a marriage of convenience would be a great way to do it. After all, a marriage of convenience story is like Soap Opera Romance 101, and if GH is going to restore the love to the afternoon, they might as well start with the basics. The environment currently in Port Charles would be a great fit for this kind of storyline – as the Michelle/Danny story shows, a marriage like this can work really well when there’s an element of danger or violence present. But it’s got to be done better than their last try at such a story – the latest Sonny/Carly marriage debacle, which was obviously just a last-ditch effort to try to create tension in the Carly/Jax relationship.

I’d love to see an almost-reformed Maxie accidentally do something like commit a murder – and have Lucky Spencer as the only witness. If the two characters had already formed a solid friendship, it would be great to watch Lucky puzzle over his loyalties to the police department and to his friend. As any good romantic hero would, he decides that he needs to find a way to keep from testifying against Maxie and sending her to jail – so he marries her. Spencer/Scorpio-Jones conflicts ensue, and Maxie and Lucky work through their former torrid issues and genuinely fall in love.

But criminal charges don’t have to be the only impetus for a good marriage of convenience. What about an inheritance that awards all the cash to the first heir that ties the knot? Or someone who decides to spite their lover by marrying the lover’s best friend? Deportation, Holly and Robert-style, is always a good motive for marriage. Maybe two characters marry, merge their shares of a company’s stock, and take the place over? Watch out, ELQ!

The possibilities are exciting. I just wish that GH would use a storyline like the marriage of convenience to spice up its daytime drama a little bit. I think I speak for most of the women who watch soap operas when I say that we root for couples, not violent mob organizations or playboys who skip from partner to partner. It’s one of the reasons that Scrubs has been enduringly popular although the writers and producers haven’t given them the commitment of screen time and great writing. The characters have chemistry, and women want to watch romance. Think about it, GH writers. Conforti, dig out those old Michelle/Danny scripts – Guza, watch some old episodes of your own show – and for the love of Gloria Monty, write stories that take their cues from great soap stories of today and yesterday, not from the latest action movies and mafia TV shows!

The Thursday Throwdown

2008-01-10T21:27:00.000-06:00

The Thursday Throwdown: A Week’s Worth of GH Happenings

1. For my fellow Baldwin family fans: Josh Duhon (Logan) and Kin Shriner (Scott) are making a joint public appearance in Dallas this weekend. Watch the GH boards and blogs for what is sure to be some awesome Baldwin scoop!

(screencap from Clarissa's GH Screencaps)

2. Per multiple sources, including Soaps.com, this week’s exit from Alexis’s house also marked Robin Christopher’s (Skye) exit from the show. I’ve got to applaud the writers here on two counts: first, they wrote out a character with few connections to the rest of the show’s storylines, and second, they didn’t murder her. Murder-Free ’08 continues … for now. I hope that Christopher finds a role that uses her talent more effectively than GH has over the past few years. Too bad they only let her chemistry with Rick Hearst (Ric) smolder for a few short days!

3. Soaps.com has also reported that it’s time for Anthony Geary (Luke) to take one of his many scheduled vacations. It’s sad when I’m happy to see Luke go, but other than his scene with Lucky at the hospital on Wednesday, he’s been a painful caricature this time around instead of a strong, historically-grounded character.

4. At the time this blog entry was published, the Scrubs forum’s petition for a responsible HIV pregnancy story had garnered more than 1,000 electronic signatures. If you missed out on signing this well-written and balanced appeal to the show’s writers and producers, you can view the petition here.

5. The show has debuted a beautiful new set of “bumpers” this week, obviously filmed around the time that the GH: Night Shift promos were filmed for SOAPnet this summer. They’re fresh and gorgeous, and I’ve especially enjoyed seeing backburner characters like Mac in his own spot – but why does Dead Emily Quartermaine merit one? I know that Natalia Livingston is still on contract with the show for a few more months, but they’ll just be faced with phasing her out at that point. I’d much rather have seen another Quartermaine woman – like Monica or Tracy – get a bumper slot in her place.

That’s all the General Hospital news for this Thursday’s Throwdown. If there’s a topic you’d like to discuss, send it along to me, Lauren. Also, if you’re enjoying the blog, please consider helping to support us by clicking on a few of the site ads. Thanks!

Playing Guza: My GH in 2008

2008-01-06T20:20:00.000-06:00

I've seen several blogs and boards discussing possible New Year's Resolutions for each of the characters on the show. I was inspired, but I decided to take a slightly different take on it. Here's what I hope will happen to each of the contract characters on General Hospital this year...

Cooper Barrett: There’s no redemption for Cooper at this point, in my opinion – there’s going to be no convincing way for the writers to reveal that he’s not the real “Text Message Killer” (ugh, it pains me so to type that name). Those menacing looks he’s been giving over Maxie’s shoulder just can’t be explained away as something else. Squinty vision? Hunger? Constipation? I don’t think so. Coop was a sweet character until a few weeks ago, but Jason Gerhardt’s limited acting range doesn’t promise much excitement from his character even if the writers do try to convince me that he’s not a killer. So let it be done – make it him. My poor little 3M-loving heart will just have to cope. Plus, that would mean Georgie was right about him, and I love Georgie (and refuse to believe she’s really dead). That said, I don’t want him to be accused right away. But for more on that, we need to consider…

Logan Hayes: It’s no secret that Logan is one of my favorite characters on the show – sometimes more for the idea of what he could be than for what his character really is, but there you go – but I wouldn’t mind seeing him accused of killing Leticia, Emily, and Georgie. I don’t want him to actually be the killer, mind you; I just want him to be accused of it and to stand trial. There are some aspects of Logan’s character that must be dealt with, in my opinion, before he becomes a truly viable romantic lead for Lulu Spencer. The dishonorable discharge from the military is one, and his bullying personality is the other. A trial would force both of those things out into the open and provide a way for the writers to deal with it, and hopefully explain them away (dishonorable discharge? He was covering for Coop. Bullying personality? He’s suffering from the PTSD he has feared for so many months). Having Logan stand trial and be exonerated would also help to bring him closer to his father, who, after all, has been accused of murder more than once himself. It would also force Lulu to decide on her loyalties once and for all with Logan; either she stands by him or she abandons him completely when he most needs her. One other reason that I’d like Logan to be accused is tied to…

Jason Morgan: It’s time for Jason Morgan to be wrong about something. He needs to be shaken up enough by an incorrect decision to fully question his lifestyle, because apparently having a child and putting his new family in constant danger isn’t enough to make him do it. I want Spinelli to convince Jason that Logan is the “Text Message Killer,” and I want Jason to bring him in and be celebrated as a hero once again – for a moment. But I think this show really needs Jason not to be the savior of the world for once, and I’d like to see him have to cope with the consequences of accusing an innocent man. Jason needs to really consider the realities of life, death, guilt, and innocence – the old “brain trauma” excuse isn’t enough for me anymore. When Cooper, not Logan, is proven to be the real killer, I want Jason to finally have the crisis of identity that has been building since the late ‘90s. And I want him to be proven wrong by…

Mac Scorpio: Jason Morgan and the mob need to be wrong, and Mac Scorpio and the PCPD need to be right for once. Since the show has brought Felicia back in the wake of Georgie’s death, the writers need to give Mac and Felicia the chance to win the day with this case. They should be the ones who question Jason and Spinelli’s evidence against Logan, and they should be the ones to discover that the real killer is Cooper. In a perfect GH world, that evidence would be secured by something that Georgie left behind, helping the Scorpio/Joneses to solve the case and grieve their child in one fell swoop. Of course, Mac and Felicia’s reveal of Cooper as the murderer would also have a major effect on…

Maxie Jones: She’s already at the breaking point, and one might suggest that the loss of Cooper would send her over the edge, but I think Maxie would be able to weather that particular storm. However, Cooper’s guilt should make Maxie seriously question her own judgment of people; after all, she was the one who decided he was a good guy in the midst of the hostage crisis. Maxie needs to be self-reflective in the middle of all of her machinations. My dream for Maxie is that she becomes the next Dorian to Lulu’s Viki (pardon the OLTL reference) – a vindictive and calculating character who can also be vulnerable, appealing, and even heroic. She needs a partner worthy of that, and boy-toy Cooper isn’t going to be that for her. Instead, my choice for the Maxie would be…

Lucky Spencer: He’s cleaned up his act considerably in 2007, but I still need Lucky Spencer to stand up, rummage around for his spine, and be the child of Luke and Laura Spencer. Lucky needs to be written as smart and perceptive, not sensitive and bumbling. He needs to be the hero, not the foil for Jason Morgan. After Mac and Felicia solve Georgie’s case, I think it’s time for Mac to hand over the reigns of the PCPD to a younger (and contract) character like Lucky. Maybe I’ve been watching too many clips of the Susan Moore murder mystery on YouTube again, but I’d love to see Lucky start playing the Robert Scorpio role on the show. Young, dashing, and with a touch of Sherlock Holmes – not afraid to bend the occasional rule but still with a rock-solid sense of ethics and morality – that’s the Lucky Spencer I want on my screen. That Lucky would be a worthy partner for a Maxie Jones on the path to (semi) redemption; I’d love to see the two of them develop a real friendship first and then move on the path to love. Which, of course, means that Lucky would have to ditch…

Sam McCall: I think Sam’s time on this show is just about up. I was really hopeful that she’d be exiting after the awful kidnapping story of last summer, and she’s just been languishing in the background ever since. She will always be a woman who married men to steal their money and who silently watched a little boy abducted from his mother – and yet, the writers seem reluctant to make her a true villain. Her Cassadine heritage could have been fascinating if the writers were willing to explore it, but it seems that they aren’t, so it’s time for her to move on. She’s just wasting screen time pining for Jason and making out with Lucky. I think a shady and interesting disappearance – one that could plant the seeds for future stories if a Cassadine resurgence ever does happen on the show – would fit the bill. I’d argue that she should make quick strides in finding out the identity of her father, set up a meeting with him on the docks, and then quietly disappear into the night. And since we’re on the subject of Cassadines, let’s move on to…

Nikolas Cassadine: Like Sam, Nikolas is another character who could stand to have a long break from the show. We know that his character apparently has the soap opera malady du jour – a crazy-inducing brain tumor – so let’s dispatch that quickly with a surgery and then send him on his way. Tyler Christopher has been more weary than engaging over the past year, and now that Emily is dead, perhaps it’s time for Nikolas to leave Port Charles for a little while. He and Spencer should move abroad so that Nikolas can work on his business interests in Europe; I think a few years working in London and trying to grieve Emily would be a good choice for the character, who really doesn’t have much to do story-wise at the moment. And if Nikolas goes, that makes the lone Cassadine on the show…

Alexis Davis: Cancer-free, Alexis should reclaim the office of the district attorney and figure prominently in Logan Hayes’s trial. That would provide plenty of tension between her and her old foe, Scott; it would also keep her involved with Mac, Lucky, and the rest of the PCPD on the case. Logan’s acquittal would be a disappointment for her at first, but once she’s able to easily nail Cooper Barrett for the crime, she (and the rest of us) can move on to bigger and better things. I think it’s time for her to recognize that, father of her child or not, Sonny’s mob connections need to be undone in Port Charles. If Michael continues on his downward spiral, I can see Kristina somehow getting caught in the crossfire – and that could lead Alexis to a full-out witch hunt. If she did, of course, the major casualty would be…

Sonny Corinthos: I don’t necessarily think that Sonny Corinthos should be gone from the show altogether, but I think it’s time that he be moved out of his current mob business and into a different venue. I’d love to see him open a nightclub again – but one without stripping Baldwin daughters, of course. Sonny needs a reason to get out of the mob, and I think the current Michael storyline might just give him one. Unless the writers go with the obvious cop out and blame Michael’s volatility on AJ’s DNA instead of Sonny and Carly’s crappy parenting, both Sonny and Carly are going to have some self-reflecting to do after Michael does something truly horrifying. If the writers really want Sonny to be a bad guy with a heart, he needs to get out of the business of vague illegal trade (and since it’s “coffee,” I assume it’s “drugs”) and move into something a little more respectable. Of course, none of this will happen at all without…

Michael Corinthos III: I’m thinking that Michael’s downfall has to involve something major and awful, something terrible enough to send him away from Port Charles (because Dylan Cash isn’t the right actor for the role anymore) and horrific enough to actually make Carly and Sonny think twice about their lifestyle. My guess would be Michael somehow getting access to a weapon and injuring one or both of his siblings. Kristina would be the obvious choice to bring Alexis into the storyline, and think about the powerhouse acting from Nancy Lee Grahn in such a story. Alexis also probably wouldn’t hesitate to bring charges against Michael, Sonny, and Carly, providing the show with a second-half law story (after the spring text message killer trials). Michael could be sent away to a psychiatric hospital to be safely kept for at least two years until it’s time for him to become a teenager and either wreak more havoc in PC or take over ELQ. Michael’s story could also lead to Morgan being taken away from…

Carly Jacks: I’m not sure about this fertility storyline between Carly and Jax. I want Jax to have a child, but I’m not a fan of the pairing – I think it ties both of them into strange domestic situations not appropriate for either character, and I don’t feel much chemistry from Laura Wright and Ingo Rademacher. But if Carly and Jax are destined to procreate, placing a pregnant Carly in the middle of a story about psychotic Michael could actually be interesting soap. If Michael did injure Kristina or Morgan while in Carly’s custody, a truly compelling angle could be Carly’s loss of both her children. Carly has been built up to heroine status over the past years for no reason other than her association with Sonny and Jason. I’d like to see her character dismantled and stuck back where she began, and I think Laura Wright could pull that off. Where we discuss Carly, we must also discuss…

Jasper Jacks: Ingo’s vacation story is problematic to me unless he’s actually being presented as a real business tycoon. I’d like to see Jax take his focus away from his Metro Court business venture with Carly (whose business experience is…?) and move it toward a publishing empire with Kate Howard. It’s time the Port Charles Herald be brought back to the canvas, and if the two of them owned the newspaper and a prominent fashion magazine (hell, why not have Jax buy Couture?), I could actually believe that Jax was off working when Ingo leaves. I think it’s also time for Jax and Carly realize that they’re not in a healthy relationship, and I wouldn’t mind seeing a revisit of the Irina storyline from last summer – Jax could use some therapy for that one, perhaps from…

Dr. Lainey Winters: I don’t know what to do with Lainey, honestly, and neither do the writers on the show. The presence of a minority actress on the show is always a bonus, but I do not buy Kent King as a psychiatrist. Maybe if the writers would actually place her in non-Sonny and non-Cody counseling situations, my opinion might change. I’m at a loss for her, much as I am for…

Ric Lansing: I hate to say it, because Rick Hearst is one of the more compelling actors on the show, but I don’t think that Ric serves an actual purpose on the show anymore. I think he should probably head out to greener pastures (maybe an offer from a law firm in New York?) about the time that Trevor finally does (which I hope is soon). Another character who should exit the canvas, in my opinion, is…

Epiphany Johnson: She’s unprofessional, she’s written as a stereotype, and she’s doing the job that Bobbie Spencer should have. Give Jackie Zeman a contract again, and either bump Sonya Eddy to recurring status or let her go. Just, for the love of God, don’t kill her off. GH should declare a moratorium on murder for the rest of the year. One nurse who should stay, albeit on a back-burner status, is…

Elizabeth Webber: The Carly/Sonny/Michael story would also bring Elizabeth and Jason’s relationship into the mix, and I think this should be the year that Elizabeth puts her foot down and orders Jason to leave the mob. No choices – no “choose Jake and me or choose the mob,” because she would never stay away from him – just a firm order to find a new line of business. I think Elizabeth should also forge a tentative friendship with…

Dr. Monica Quartermaine: Monica’s new mission, once Jake’s paternity is common knowledge, could be to help Elizabeth get Jason out of the mob. She could act as a mother figure for Elizabeth, and the two of them could bond over their grief for Emily and their love for Jason and Jake. Monica would also be embroiled seriously in the Michael storyline – as his grandmother, she would be involved to a great degree. I’d also like to see Monica unseat Dr. Ford and finally claim the chief of staff position that she deserves. She and Bobbie could run GH the way it should be run, and the show could benefit from showcasing women in leadership positions in the medical community. For Monica’s sake, and the sake of the viewing audience, however, a character who should be finally sent off is…

Emily Quartermaine: Forget this “most romantic storyline ever” crap. Use her death in an organic and interesting way, and let its consequences actually reverberate among the characters who loved her. End the “brain tumor” storyline, and let Emily rest in peace. The female doctor who can carry on her legacy instead is…

Dr. Robin Scorpio: This year, Robin should finally be allowed to marry and should be given the smart and intelligent baby storyline that she deserves. I’d also like to see her actually get involved with a medical storyline with consequences – a new research breakthrough, perhaps? Her pregnancy should also bring AIDS back as an issue on the show; maybe the Nurses Ball could be revived? But one thing is for sure: no more of what we’ve seen for the majority of 2007. No more circular arguments with Carly – she, Jason, and Carly should have a conversation about Michael that finally lets the issue end. No more commitment issues with Patrick – that should be a closed book. And speaking of that…

Dr. Patrick Drake: It’s time for Patrick to grow up. No more childish commitment issues. That’s not romantic, writers. Some doubt is okay. A clear resistance to act like an adult and maturely address your issues is just frustrating. We all have to deal with this stuff from men in our daily lives. We don’t want to watch it on soaps! He should decide that he loves Robin and have some compelling conversations with Noah about what it means to be a single father – since he may face that possibility once he and Robin decide to have a child. Another male character who needs to mature a little is, unfortunately…

Luke Spencer: Honestly, I think Tony Geary needs an extended vacation from the show. Give him a year off. The Luke that we’ve been watching over the past few months has been a mere shadow of what the character can and should be. The Christmas episode was pathetic. Luke needs to be more than comedy; the writers should let him go for a while and give him a real reason to come back in twelve months’ time. In for a longer absence should be…

Jerry Jacks, Johnny Zacchara, Damien Spinelli: Penned in a maximum security prison, back to New York City, off to college. Next…

Kate Howard: No more relationships with mobsters. Sonny’s going to be pretty busy with his family problems, anyway. Kate should work with Jax and take Maxie Jones under her wing, training her to be the fabulous lady we all know she can be someday. I wouldn’t mind seeing Kate and Jax test the waters romantically in the wake of their relationship failures with Sonny and Carly – maybe the two of them might not work in the long run, but seeing the vulnerability in each of them could make for an intriguing pairing. I’d also like Kate and Alexis to form a real friendship. Also a good match for the two of them would be…

Skye Chandler Quartermaine: I could see Skye palling around with Kate and Alexis, but frankly, I’m not sure where her character goes from here, either. She might also benefit from a visit back to her mother for a good long while, leaving ELQ in the hands of…

Edward Quartermaine and Tracy Quartermaine: We need some good, old-fashioned Q controversy, and it would be great if Ned could be involved. Blackmail, long-lost family members, take your pick. They need to be a little more light-hearted after the black, dark year of 2007. With Luke gone, Tracy will also need to act as a mentor for…

Lulu Spencer: Of all the characters on GH, Lulu is perhaps the most in need of an overhaul in 2008. She has a promising love interest in Logan – why can’ t the writers tap into the inherent angst that is Scotty’s son dating Laura’s daughter? She also needs to move out of the mob sphere, stop relying on Carly for all of her advice, and develop some interests of her own. I’d like to see Lulu involved in a college-based storyline (but with no Professor Petes, please) this year, something appropriate for her age. I’d also like to see her help Lucky out with a case (and try to figure out how to deal with a Lucky/Maxie friendship) and looking to Bobbie and Lesley as more appropriate female role models.

(Screencaps from Clarissa's GH Screencaps)

Rewriting GH: Resurrecting Georgie Jones

2008-01-05T21:49:00.001-06:00

The writers of General Hospital have made some huge missteps this year in their storytelling. James Craig, who shot Robin point-blank and allowed Alan Quartermaine to die of a heart attack, was suddenly retooled into Jax’s brother, Jerry. Robin and Patrick were made to continue their dance of commitment-phobia instead of progressing as a couple after the hostage crisis. Thanksgiving happened the day after Halloween. Emily Quartermaine became a brain tumor, and Alan Q a conscience in a track suit. In perhaps one of the stupidest writing moves of all time, the writers attempted to smash together GH and the supposedly alternate-universe GH: Night Shift, featuring new characters without introduction and expecting a whole sector of the audience to magically have understood what happened on SOAPnet the summer before.

However, as awful as these storylines were, in my opinion, none trumped the sheer writing stupidity of the death of one of GH’s most promising legacy characters: Georgie Jones. In a town where young female characters tend to be mouthy blond risk-takers, Georgie was an intelligent, strong young woman with major promise for the future. She had the potential to become the great matriarchal figure for the next generation of GH. I don’t think it’s stretching to suggest that she could have become the next Lila Quartermaine – a smart, strong, maternal figure who thinks for herself and is loved by many.

And the writers decided to have her strangled in the park.

Even the manner of her death is insulting to the character. When major legacy characters are killed off on a show, their deaths should be the starting point for larger stories. She should have been the center of a major murder investigation; she deserved more than a footnote in a serial killer storyline that has already felled Emily Quartermaine and threatens to take out more female characters. Mostly, she deserved to live.

So, I think it’s time to play soap writer. As all soap viewers are keenly aware, deaths on soaps rarely stick unless the actor has died (and with recasts, sometimes not even then). I refuse to lose Georgie Jones forever from my show. If I’m the writer, then, how do I undo this major mistake?

One of the posters on Something about You (a Lulu/Logan message board), loveleef, posted the very best suggestion for bringing Georgie back that I’ve read thus far. She offered:

Ok...I'm completely going on the limb here with this one...

The whole thing was set up by Georgie herself to bring upon the real killer... With the help of another source (enter person's name here ____ ), she drugged herself, and staged the whole death as a way to save everyone by revealing the real killer....

The whole "it's you...I thought I had a stalker comment," could have been from her "helper.”

I’m so on board with this, it’s not even funny. Georgie is the daughter of a secret agent and a private investigator. She was already exhibiting signs of her natural propensity for crime solving in the days and weeks before her death, as she and Spinelli investigated Cooper’s possible role in Maxie’s attempted strangling. I know we’re supposed to have understood Georgie’s last statement of relief to have indicated that her killer was not who she suspected, but wouldn’t it be great if that relief had been because she’d seen Frisco, come to help her trap the strangler who almost killed Maxie? I think it’s entirely plausible that Frisco and Felicia (and hey, maybe Uncle Robert, too!) could have helped Georgie to fake her death in an attempt to catch the killer.

The payoff would be excellent. Maxie’s fury over the past weeks has been the one shining moment from this awful, terrible story, and her reaction to Georgie having faked it all would likely be priceless. Mac’s anger at Felicia and Frisco having kept him in the dark would also be a great showcase for John J. York. Plus, the storyline could be a great way to introduce the WSB element back into GH, providing support for the police force and a truly worthy foe for the dreck that is the Port Charles mafia underground. Even more, it would make Georgie a heroine to contend with and would give her the storyline and status on the show that she so richly deserves.

So, inspired by loveleef’s post and my own vitriol over Georgie’s murder, I challenge the writers: bring her back. Rewrite your mistake. Hell, the scab writers could take the opportunity given them to overturn this egregious error and show Guza how soap writing should really be done.

Because Georgie Jones deserves to be a part of this show. She deserves to be loved and to have an important place in her community. She deserves to be a voice on this show for the woman who has brains and isn’t ashamed of it. She deserves to inherit the legacy of her family.

And she can’t do it if she’s dead.

Petition: A Responsible Scrubs Pregnancy

2008-01-04T20:38:00.001-06:00

Some of the members over at the Scrubs forum have started a petition for what they call the "responsible storytelling of an HIV pregnancy." In light of the blog entry I posted a few days ago supporting the same ideas, I thought I'd help support their efforts by linking the petition here.

Head to Responsible Storytelling of an HIV Pregnancy to read and sign the petition. Support smart and innovative storytelling on General Hospital!

Subscribe to Patching Up Port Charles!

2008-01-04T17:57:00.000-06:00

If you're a regular reader of the blog and you don't want to miss any updates, consider signing up for our update mailing list. It's a free service through Google Groups; you won't receive any spam mail, just updates from me letting you know when I've posted a new entry. To sign up, begin by typing your e-mail address in the box in the right-hand column of this page or by going to the group home page. Hope to see you on the list!

--Lauren

Bring Him Back: Dr. Tom Hardy

2008-01-04T17:38:00.000-06:00

General Hospital's cast could use an overhaul -- it's cluttered with perhaps too many characters and is too focused on a few at the expense of the rest. But even though there are maybe too many characters on canvas, there are still some others who really should be represented. Here are ten good reasons that GH should bring back one of its most significant legacy characters: Tom Hardy.

10. He’s a doctor.

(GH closes, 1996)

One of the major problems with the writing on General Hospital for the past few years has been the movement of the hospital-centered storylines from the forefront of the show to the backburner in favor of the mob. Of the new characters added recently, the majority of them – Kate, Diane, Johnny, Anthony, Trevor – have all been associated in one way or another with the mob storylines. Tom Hardy would be a great addition to the cast because he’s Dr. Tom Hardy. He would provide the hospital with a much-needed mature male voice after the death of Alan Quartermaine. Along with Monica, Bobbie, and Noah, he would be an excellent mentor for some of the younger doctors on staff.

9. He’s a shrink.

Even better, Tom is a psychiatrist. GH already has one of those on staff – Lainey Winters – but with the level of mental anxiety present in Port Charles on a daily basis, it probably wouldn’t hurt to have another shrink in the building. Plus, it would be nice to see someone counsel Sonny who could really go toe-to-toe with the character. Except – have the writers forgotten that Sonny’s bipolar? Probably so. Regardless, Michael Corinthos is also looking like an excellent candidate for future psychiatric treatment, and it would be great for him to find a real father figure in someone like Tom.

8. He has a teenage son.

Tom’s son, Tommy, would now be just around the right age to pal around with Maxie, Lulu, Logan, Cooper, Spinelli, Dillon, and their peers. With Dillon only in town on a recurring basis, Cooper suspected of strangling Georgie and Emily, and Spinelli written so one-note that a serious romantic pairing would be difficult to write for him, Tommy’s reappearance on the canvas would provide the young women of Port Charles with an additional romantic option.

7. He has a connection to minority characters.

Tom has only been married to one woman – Dr. Simone Ravelle, who is black. Their son, Tommy, is biracial. On a show in which only a handful of characters are non-white – Epiphany, Kelly, Lainey, Regina, Cruz, Leo, and Leyla – Tom would afford the writers a way to easily make their cast more ethnically diverse.

6. He has a romantic past on the show.

(Lucy sees Tom for the first time in years)

Although Simone was Tom’s only marriage, he has been involved with other women on the show. Tom and Lucy Coe (ex-wife to Scott and Alan, Serena’s surrogate and adoptive mother) had a brief affair; he was also partnered for a time with Felicia Jones (Maxie’s mother – she’s recently reappeared on the show). Tom’s romantic history would provide the writers with former emotional connections to explore – if they could remember long enough to write about them.

5. He could be a hero – a real one, not one who kills for money.

When Tom left Port Charles, he wasn’t on the run from the law, and he wasn’t taking a more prestigious position at a bigger hospital in a bigger city. Instead, he was headed to Africa to take part in aid relief. While Tom was not always the most heroic character in town – every good character needs some layers, after all – he would certainly be an improvement over the Sonny Corinthoses and Jason Morgans (and, dare I say it, the Luke Spencers) of Port Charles. One of the things that GH is really lacking is a character who is decent without strings – someone who has a “heart of gold” without a layer of crap and mob vendettas coating it. Tom could be that character for the show.

4. He could be an excellent romantic interest for some of the single women on the show.

Characters like Alexis Davis, Kate Howard, and Skye Quartermaine need a leading man. Most of the men on the show are more connected with less intelligent and less mature female leads (I’m looking at you, Carly Benson Corinthos Jacks!) – GH could really benefit from the presence of a character who would be a worthy romantic option for women like Alexis, who have both beauty and brains. Wouldn’t a psychiatrist be a great partner for a high-powered attorney, a magazine editor, or a businesswoman?

3. Matthew Ashford isn’t currently on daytime.

Several actors have played Tom Hardy – Wikipedia lists David Comfort and Bradley Green, among others – but the most recent and perhaps most famous actor to play the part is a soap legend: Matthew Ashford. He’s probably better known for his role as Jack Devereaux on Days of Our Lives than for his role as Tom, but with Jack once again absent in Salem, he’s free to reprise his GH role.

2. He’s a Baldwin.

Tom’s mother is Audrey March Hardy; although he shares Steve Hardy’s name and was raised as his son, his biological father is actually Tom Baldwin, younger brother of Lee Baldwin. This makes him the first cousin of Scott Baldwin; his son, Tommy, is a cousin of contemporaries Logan Hayes and Serena Baldwin. These connections would help to tie him in more easily with many of the current residents of Port Charles – and would also help with the renaissance of the Baldwin family that I’ve been hoping for since Scott and Logan showed up in 2007.

1. He’s a Hardy.

(Tom tells the Christmas story, 1995)

Although he’s related to the Baldwins, Tom’s more important legacy is as the heir to Steve Hardy, one of the original characters on GH. After Steve’s death on the show in 1996, Tom was involved in trying to save the hospital; he would be excellent to have on the canvas now to fill his father’s shoes as the voice of wisdom and stability in GH. The current chief of staff, Dr. Ford (a character with no history on the show, played by a blustering actor), is more a caricature than a character and isn’t a worthy inheritor of Steve Hardy’s mantle. Tom could be. Additionally, because Tom’s step-brother is Jeff Webber, he’s also uncle to Elizabeth Webber and great-uncle to her kids, Cameron and Jake. His Hardy legacy makes him a character who should be on the show – the kind of character who should be reintroduced instead of the new and peripheral characters given quick contracts and tenuous storylines today.

History Lessons: The Baldwin Family

2008-01-03T21:59:00.000-06:00

Okay, I’ll admit it upfront: my initial interest in the re-birth of the Baldwin family on General Hospital was predicated by the debut of Josh Duhon as Logan Hayes. He strolled on screen, was generally an ass to lots of people, earned the title “Brutally Hot” from the Serial Drama girls, and bore a striking and wonderful resemblance to one Kin Shriner. I despaired when it was rumored that Logan would turn out to be Sonny’s long-lost progeny (as if he needed another kid) instead of Scotty Baldwin’s bastard son, and I celebrated the day that Logan was officially revealed to be a Baldwin.

Unfortunately, so far the story has pretty much stagnated there. The possibilities for storytelling are – as they so often are with soaps – endless in this situation. The history that the Baldwins have in Port Charles is fascinating, and the pairing of Scott’s son with Laura’s daughter, while as poorly executed as the vast majority of GH stories these days, still has promise in my opinion. But besides some outreach from Scott to try to bond with his son, we’ve only heard the briefest mentions of the rest of the Baldwin clan.

So, for viewers who tuned in after the majority of the Baldwins were shipped off to Port Charles and then lost in the GH sequel shuffle entirely, these are the people you’re not getting to watch but should be…

A GH History Lesson: The Baldwin Family

Lee Baldwin
(played by Peter Hansen; last appearance was in 2004)

Lee first appeared on GH in 1965. He began on the show as the attorney of Nurse Jessie Brewer, one of the original cast members. Because he was also a recovering alcoholic, Lee was frequently seen at the hospital in the role of counselor to other recovering addicts. He and Jessie became romantically involved and were eventually engaged but never married.

Lee’s next relationship would establish the Baldwin family as a fixture on the show. He began a romance with another nurse at the hospital, Meg Bentley, who had two children, step-daughter Brooke and son Scotty. Meg and Lee married in 1966, and Scotty took his last name. The two separated when Meg suspected Lee of infidelity, but Scotty’s childhood medical crisis brought them back together. Meg’s mental instability doomed the pair in the long run; when she suffered a breakdown after having a mastectomy, Lee had no choice but to commit her to a mental institution. Although Meg recovered and was able to return to Port Charles, she was jealous of Lee’s friendship with Dr. Lesley Webber, and in 1971 she died of a stroke during an argument with Lee.

(Lee and Gail Baldwin (Peter Hansen and Susan Brown); credit IMDB)

Now a single parent to Scotty, Lee briefly revived his former relationship with Jessie Brewer and then married a social worker, Caroline Chandler, who was lost at sea. His next relationship, with psychiatrist Gail Adamson, would be his lasting love. Gail was instrumental in reuniting Lee with Scotty, who by now was a law student in New York City. Lee and Gail’s next years were primarily consumed by the tumultuous relationship between Scotty and Laura Webber. He also ran for mayor, but lost to Luke Spencer. He and Gail were thrilled to become grandparents twice in the early 1990s, first to Scott’s newly-found daughter, Karen, and then to Scott and Dominique’s daughter, Serena. Lee and Gail were featured on Port Charles with Scott, Karen, and Serena; in 1999, he nearly died from a pulmonary embolism. Their last appearance on GH was at Lila Quartermaine’s 2004 funeral.

Classic Lee YouTube Clips
Scotty and Laura have dinner with Lee and Gail
Scott asks Lee what it’s like to be a father
Lee tries to convince Scott to ask Lucy

***

Scott Baldwin
(played by several actors as a child; as an adult, by Kin Shriner)

Scotty came to town in 1965 with his mother, Meg, and his stepsister, Brooke. When his mother married Lee Baldwin, Scotty finally had a father figure in his life. Lee even donated a kidney to Scotty when he was a child; after Meg’s breakdowns and death, Lee continued to be a stable parental force in Scotty’s life.

Scotty decided to follow his father into law; he studied in Greenwich Village, where he unknowingly fathered a child, Karen, with his legal secretary, Rhonda Wexler. He returned to Port Charles to help his father grieve his step-mother, Caroline. He was briefly involved with Bobbie Spencer, but after he took a job at the hospital, he met Laura Webber. The two fell in love, and they eventually married, although Laura’s rape by Luke Spencer and their subsequent romantic relationship led to Laura and Scotty’s divorce.

(Lucy Coe, Scott Baldwin, and Bobbie Spencer (Lynn Herring, Kin Shriner, and Jackie Zeman); credit IMDB)

His character shifted significantly as a result of the Luke/Laura romance and became less of a heroic figure on the show. He became involved with Heather Webber, married Susan Moore in an effort to gain control of her son’s (Jason Quartermaine) trust fund, and tried to destroy Luke’s campaign against Lee for mayor in 1983. He also had an affair with Lucy Coe. His character was redeemed in the early 1990s through his marriage to doomed Dominique Stanton; he again became a romantic hero in a tragic love story as Dominique died from a brain tumor. Scott and Dominique had a daughter, Serena, with Lucy Coe as the surrogate mother. Pursued by the mob, he and Serena escaped to Canada. He was one of the lead characters on Port Charles in the late 1990s; he married Lucy and adopted a daughter, Christina. His relationship with Lucy ended as their adoption of Christina failed; another major blow was Karen’s 2003 death in an auto accident.

Scott’s story in later years has included some of the important faces from his past. He briefly reunited with old love Bobbie Spencer and defended long-time nemesis Luke in a murder trial. He also proposed marriage to Laura, though she rejected his offer. He earned a seat on the board at GH and tussled with Alexis Davis over the DA position. He returned to his old villainous ways during the Port Charles Hotel fire and disappeared from the map for several years. Since his return in early 2007, Laura’s daughter, Lulu, has uncovered information that Scott, not Laura, killed Dr. Rick Webber, though that story has apparently been dropped. Not long after discovering that DV Bordisso was his biological father, Scott was also surprised to learn that he fathered yet another illegitimate child – a son, Logan Hayes. He continues as a recurring character on the show and holds the position of Special Prosecutor in the district attorney’s office.

Classic Scott YouTube Clips
Scotty and Laura at group therapy after the rape
Scotty finds out Luke raped Laura
Dominique tells Scott she’s dying (Part One)
Scott and Lucy in Florida (Part One)
Scott and Laura talk for the first time in ten years
Scott and Logan are father and son

***

Serena Baldwin
(played as a child by Carly Schroeder; last appearance was in 2003)

Serena Lee Baldwin is the biological child of Scott Baldwin and his late wife, Dominique Taub Stanton; her surrogate mother was Lucy Coe. She was born after her mother’s death from a brain tumor and has spent much of her life running with her father from the mob.

(Serena Baldwin (Carly Schroeder); credit IMDB)

She spent six years of her childhood in Port Charles with her father, Lucy, her sister, Karen, and her grandparents, Lee and Gail. She was kidnapped as a child in an attempt to extort money from the family; she also went blind after an automobile accident, but eventually regained her sight. She is presumed to be at boarding school, and has not been seen since her last appearance on Port Charles in 2003. She would be approximately the same age as Lulu Spencer and Georgie Jones today.

***

Karen Wexler Cates
(played by Cari Shayne, Jennifer Hammon, and Marie Wilson; died July 2003)

Karen Wexler came to Port Charles as a troubled teenager in 1992; her mother, Rhonda, was an alcoholic, and Karen had been molested as a child by one of Rhonda’s boyfriends. She became involved in a love quadrangle with Jason Quartermaine, Brenda Barrett, and Jagger Cates. When her relationship with Jagger was disrupted by her traumatic childhood memories, Karen began stripping at Sonny Corinthos’s club and taking pills. She had an affair with Sonny, and only broke the cycle of her behavior when she sought help from Gail Baldwin (later revealed to be her grandmother). She and Jagger reunited and married, and she was accepted to medical school. She also learned that Scott Baldwin was her father.

(Karen Wexler (Cari Shayne); credit IMDB)

Karen returned to Port Charles later, after earning her medical degree and divorcing Jagger. She became engaged to Joe Scanlon and became chief resident at GH, only to be derailed by the return of her addiction to pills. After rehab, she began dating Joe’s brother, paramedic Frank. They had a tumultuous relationship, during which Karen turned to Ricky Garza and nearly began stripping again. Karen died in a car accident on July 1, 2003, and Scott tracked down Sonny, ripping into him for what he’d done to his daughter.

Classic Karen YouTube Clips
Stone talks to a strung-out Karen
Jagger confronts Karen backstage
Jagger and Karen at the cabin (Part One)
Karen and Jagger’s wedding
Karen and Jagger come home
Karen’s divorce party
Joe gives Karen his grandmother’s ring
Frank has a surprise for Karen

***

Logan Hayes
(played by Josh Duhon)

Logan made his first appearance on GH in early 2007; he had come to town to meet up with his army buddy, Cooper. Logan served two tours of duty with the military police in Iraq, and there’s some question about illegal activities that he may have been involved in while in the Middle East. He was also secretly looking for his biological father, Scott Baldwin. He became involved with a scam to blackmail Scott with Maxie Jones and Cooper, and he tried to work his way into Sonny Corinthos’s organization. He was shot at the Cellar in April and again during a stakeout in July.

(Logan Hayes (Josh Duhon); credit IMDB)

Logan showed a clear interest in both Lulu Spencer (the daughter of his father’s ex-wife) and Maxie, and he pursued both, eventually making a bet with Maxie that he could get Lulu into bed. He made good on the bet, but found himself falling for Lulu at the same time. He confirmed in October that Scott is his father, and Scott has been trying to establish a civil relationship with his son. Lulu has since forgiven him for the bet, and they’ve agreed to try their relationship again. Logan is also trying to decide what career path to take next; he recently turned down Scott’s suggestion of joining the PCPD. He has yet to meet his sister or his grandparents.

Logan YouTube Clips
Logan and Luke discuss Lulu
Logan protects Lulu from Scott
Lulu cares for Logan after the July shooting
Lulu and Logan make love
Logan and Scott go to get a DNA test
Logan and Scott attempt a family Thanksgiving

Sources used to compile this post…
The Internet Movie Database
SoapCentral
Wikipedia
YouTube

Robin's Baby Mania: A Follow-Up Post

2008-01-03T14:00:00.000-06:00

There’s been some buzz in the Robin/Patrick fan community about my last blog entry, and I thought I’d note some of the places where the conversation generated by the post has been going on:

The Scrubs Message Board: Poster machereeves brought the entry over to the Scrubs board, and the always-insightful posters there have brought some excellent points to the table. One notable error on my part was posted by Jessebrewer, who remembered that it was the “Jerry poisons Nikolas” story that artificially kept Robin and Patrick apart after the hostage crisis – the couch conversations came beforehand. Thanks, Jesse! The same problems occurred with that story, of course – instead of continuing to build on Patrick’s character development after Robin was shot, the writers threw a wrench in their relationship by coming up with silly reasons to keep them apart – but the Jerry storyline should be remembered as even more ridiculous than the couch-commitment drama. Thanks to all the posters on the thread for their comments on the entry!

The Scrubs Hub: Amy and her fellow blog contributors also linked to the entry over at TSH, which is a great resource for both Robin/Patrick and general GH content. I’ve added a link to the blog over in the right-hand column of this page. Thanks, Amy and Co.!

Robin's Baby Mania; or, Why GH Should Not Jump the Gun on an HIV Pregnancy

2007-12-29T16:23:00.000-06:00

Sam. Robin. Carly. What do these three characters all have in common?

You might argue that they’ve all been romantically involved with Jason. True, but not what I was looking for. You might suggest that they’re members of core General Hospital families: Cassadine, Scorpio, and Spencer. Also true, but still not what I’m aiming toward.

“I want to have a baby. I want to have a baby. I want to have a baby.”

Sound familiar?

The main problem with the adult female characters on Robert Guza’s General Hospital is that they fall into two broad kinds of characterization: either they are mother figures who nurture, enable, and raise a passel of children (usually the progeny of heroic mobsters) or they cannot get pregnant and spend all of their time dwelling on that fact. (If you’re “brazen and beautiful and courageous” like Carly – as the writers would have us believe – you’re lucky enough to be able to embody both of those categories!)

Case in point: the recent baby-mania of Robin Scorpio.

Robin, a legacy character from Gloria Monty’s ‘80s heyday who has brought a social consciousness to the show through her HIV-positive status and her relationships with Stone, Jason, and Patrick, has decided that she wants a baby. NOW. And with anyone in town willing to donate his sperm, whether he is married, a mobster, or a socially-inept teenage computer hacker. Instead of writing a sensible buildup to this story – one where Robin helps to care for a baby and realizes how much she wants a family, for example – the show’s writers instead wrote a strange story (not on GH, of course, but on the supposedly alternate-reality General Hospital: Night Shift) where Robin nearly gains custody of the child of an HIV-positive mother before the baby’s father can even be contacted. Although none of this happened on GH, the viewers are still supposed to believe that Robin wants a baby primarily because of Patrick’s negative reaction to a pregnancy scare. It’s sloppy writing, and it’s not worthy of a character who has grown up before the viewers’ eyes to become a smart, savvy doctor.

I can understand why the writers would want Robin to be thinking about parenthood. Her character provides them with the chance to tell the sorts of unique stories that bring accolades and national attention to soaps because she is infected with HIV. The Stone/Robin story was groundbreaking for daytime TV, and Kimberly McCullough’s continued presence on the show gives the writers a trump card: a healthy HIV-positive character who is navigating career and relationships while still dealing with the implications of her medical issues. The Robin/Patrick storyline had an excellent set-up: a playboy doctor, son of another ‘80s character, finds himself falling for a woman who is his exact opposite and who necessarily makes him rethink the consequences of his serial sexual lifestyle. In the hands of Guza and Co., of course, the story has been at times mishandled, but the chemistry between Jason Thompson and McCullough has made it worth watching. They’ve made it through Patrick’s reluctance to be monogamous, an HIV scare for Patrick, and Robin’s near-death in the Metro Court hostage crisis. I always enjoy seeing their scenes, because rarely on soap operas does one get the chance to watch two highly-educated and intelligent characters in a relationship.

The problem with Robin and Patrick, however, is the same problem with all of the storylines on the show: short-sightedness and a lack of commitment to building a story over time to provide the audience with an intelligent and interesting payoff down the road. Just like lots of the couples on the show, Robert and Patrick are stagnant. They have the same arguments and conversations over and over again – I can’t keep count of the number of scenes I’ve seen in which Patrick reminds Robin that he doesn’t want to settle down and have kids and in which Robin tells Patrick that she wants those things and won’t compromise. Those issues are real, and they could be written in compelling ways, but instead of leading to a new understanding, too often their conversations lead them around and around in circles and seem to have no destination.

Robin’s single-minded obsession with pregnancy and babies in recent months is stuck in the same sort of trend; we hear countless conversations in which Robin talks and talks about her pregnancy with no story development. Remarkably, one thing which should be paramount to the storyline – her HIV status – seems often absent from the story. While I could understand that the character is being written in such a way because HIV is only a component of her identity, not her entire life, I don’t understand why the story isn’t being used as a way to talk about the issue of HIV and pregnancy. That’s the ground-breaking story – that’s the one that the writers seem to be driving toward without a solid foundation. The same problem was evident during Robin’s pregnancy scare earlier this year; the writers made it all about babies and never even mentioned the risks of HIV transmission to Patrick. It’s irresponsible, but it’s the kind of jump-the-gun writing I’ve come to expect on this show under its current management. It’s as if Guza and his supporting writers are so eager to get to the punch line that they won’t take the time to tell the joke – and without that joke, the punch line falls flat.

I want the back story before I get the baby in this case. Robin is a woman for whom the impulsive need to have a child does not make sense. She has always been careful, often so much so that she misses out on opportunities. Her difficult life has taught her that caution is frequently easier to endure than heartache. Her relationship with Patrick has helped her to break out of that shell to some extent, but she is still a woman who measures risks and thinks about decisions. She’s not been shown as thinking about this decision. We haven’t seen her talk with Lainey or Kelly about the potential risks of having a child for her own health and her baby’s. We haven’t seen her sit down with her mother and discuss what it means to have a child without the father as a part of the baby’s life. Instead, we’ve seen Robin thwarted by Patrick as she begs man after man in Port Charles to provide her with a sperm sample. The Robin who has grown up on GH wouldn’t just do that.

The characterization isn’t the only problem – I’d also like to see Robin get to be in love and have a stable life before she has a child. She’s one of the only legacy characters on the show who has not been married already. I’d like to get to see this woman, who has been so lonely and so lost for long periods of her life, find happiness. I want to see her relationship with Patrick evolve to the point that they can live together and marry before they have a baby. I thought they were there immediately after Robin was shot during the hotel crisis; a writer worth anything would have transformed Patrick’s revelations about how much he loved Robin into a change of attitude about love and commitment for his character. Instead, we got arguments about couches and a complete retread of every commitment-phobia issue we’ve seen for more than a year.

I want Robin to have a baby, but I want her to do so as an organic part of a happy relationship, not as yet another of Guza’s characterizations of women as baby-obsessed crazies. Robin is more than her HIV-positive uterus. She’s the daughter of Anna and Robert Scorpio and the niece of Mac Scorpio. She is a woman who has seen the deaths of many close to her and still managed to survive and not have a huge chip on her should. She’s a girl who lost her first love to AIDS and has lived with HIV for over a decade. She’s someone who deserves more than Guza and the rest are giving her.

The Ghosts of Christmases Past

2007-12-27T12:14:00.000-06:00

I always look forward to holiday episodes on soaps. I vividly remember Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Fourth of July episodes on soaps during my childhood – Hughes family dinners on As the World Turns, Bauer barbeques on Guiding Light, and Quartermaine pizza parties on General Hospital. Christmas episodes are traditionally especially rewarding – they provide writers with the chance to explore redemption in a special way.

General Hospital’s Christmas episodes have always been special because of the Christmas traditions within the hospital itself. The hospital Christmas party, during which the Chief of Staff tells the story of the first Christmas to the show’s child actors, is something that viewers look forward to year after year. For example, here’s a clip from MmeHazel of one of my favorite classic Christmas episodes: Steve Hardy telling the story to a group of children that includes little Robin Scorpio and little A.J. and Jason Quartermaine:

It’s hard to believe as a watcher of today’s show that so many characters and stories could be brought together by a single set of Christmas scenes – this is the kind of stuff that soap viewers live for. I remember blog posts immediately after Alan Quartermaine’s death early in 2007, months before the holiday season, that wondered who would be assigned the role of reading the Christmas story this year in his absence. People speculated that Edward, though he has no medical connections, might read the story; others named Monica or even Robin as potential candidates. After a good Thanksgiving episode in which family scenes were balanced and screen time was shared well, I was particularly looking forward to the hospital Christmas party and scenes of various family dinners. I wanted to find out who would take over for Steve Hardy and Alan Quartermaine; I wanted to see Tracy wheeling curmudgeonly Luke out to see Jake and Cameron at the party. Grandma Bobbie should have been there with Michael and Morgan, and the newly reassigned actors from GH: Night Shift should have been there to help celebrate.

Alas – it was not to be.

This Christmas episode was one of the worst I’ve seen in years, so boring, in fact, that I actually considered changing the channel while it was airing. I don’t know if I can blame the show’s regular staff of writers or a passel of scabs for what aired, but either way, it was a disappointing hour of holiday television. I like feeling uplifted after watching a Christmas episode; this one just left me a little depressed.

What We Saw

1) Alan reading the Christmas story – as a ghost, in a tracksuit, with Tracy as his only listener.

The only scenes even remotely related to Christmas parties past were of Alan reading passages from Luke in a chair in Luke Spencer’s hospital room. Since the character’s death following the Metro Court sweeps storyline, Alan has continued to appear as a ghost whose only job is comic relief. That was his job again on the 2007 Christmas episode – instead of writing the Christmas story as a touching aspect of a hospital-wide holiday party, it was a way for Alan’s ghost to once again try Tracy’s patience. After the scenes were over, I thought that it must be a prelude for scenes to come, when Monica would read the Christmas story and reminisce about Alan and Emily. I was wrong.

2) Luke singing in purgatory, which is apparently the afterlife’s version of a lizard lounge.

First, we got strange scenes of mother bear Tracy bitching at Skye for visiting Luke. These could have been compelling; after all, Tracy and Skye are still divided over Alan’s death and the changes to his will. Mostly, though, they were just odd and seemed rather pointless. Then, of course, Luke headed to surgery – and now we know that when Luke goes under any sort of anesthesia, we will be forever treated to his trippy, drug-induced visions of hell, heaven, or any other sort of afterlife manifestation. This time it was purgatory, and unlike the campy (and dare I say fun) “hell” scenes from his last surgery (a week ago), these were just painful to watch. There was a wandering, rambling monologue about life and self – I suppose the writers’ attempt at that “redemption” thing I mentioned earlier – that made me long for the days when Anthony Geary was inspired by the scripts enough to act out tour de force moments like this one. There was also a bizarre solo performance of Sinatra’s “My Way” – and Sinatra, Tony Geary is not. I was actually a little embarrassed during the performance: for Geary, for the show, and for me and the rest of the viewers. Geary also performed the montage song at the end. None of it made me feel transcendence or any form of a warm holiday glow. It made me wonder if Geary was auditioning for one of those ABC Daytime promotional holiday CDs.

3) Sonny missing Kate. Kate missing Sonny.

These are the core families for which holiday scenes could have been written this Christmas: the Quartermaines (albeit in their truncated state), the Spencers, the Baldwins, the Scorpios, the Drakes, and the Joneses. We had a minimal number of Scorpio scenes – more on that in a moment – and the other family chosen to represent holiday cheer was … Sonny/Carly/Jax. Again. It was essentially a repeat of the Thanksgiving scenes from the Jacks household, except this time we got to see a mopey Sonny wishing that Kate Howard hadn’t gone to Manhattan for Christmas and a self-righteous Carly incredulously condemning Kate for leaving her man. We also got to see Kate (whom we have known for less than a year) moping in her apartment in Manhattan.

These could have been compelling holiday scenes; the writers are exploring a facet of Michael’s character that many of us have been speculating about for years: his mob proclivities. We could have had a dramatic, soapy family dinner that was focused on Michael’s problems and the subsequent emotional reactions of Sonny, Carly, Jason, and even Mike and Bobbie. Instead, we saw Carly smugly reminding Sonny that Kate doesn’t have what it takes to be a mob moll (which certainly sent the right message to Michael) and Carly dramatically fainting (but not because she was pregnant, which could also be a compelling story, given Michael’s problems and Carly’s own reproductive issues). I was bored.

4) Maxie mad at Felicia – but willing to share Christmas presents.

I was surprised to see Kristina Wagner still in Port Charles, and then I got excited (bad move) about the potential of a Scorpio Christmas dinner that included Mac, Felicia, Maxie, and perhaps Robin and Patrick. Instead, we had all of two whole scenes with the family: one where Maxie was unremorseful about her eulogy (at least that was in character), and one where Maxie extended the coolest of warm Christmas feelings to her mother by holding out a Christmas present to Felicia. Granted, I wasn’t expecting Christmas cheer from a family who buried a daughter mere days ago. Mostly I was surprised by Maxie’s wrist tattoo.

5) Jason cut his hair.

Merry Christmas.

6) And that was it.

What We Would Have Seen if I Had Written the Show

A Baldwin Family Dinner
Introduce Logan to his grandparents. Let Lee and Scott have a conversation about what it means to have a son. Allow Lee and Gail to discuss history repeating itself through Logan’s relationship with Lulu. Hell, bring Serena home from boarding school so that she can meet her big brother and become the strong female lead she should be.

A Scorpio Family Christmas
Write a real conversation between Mac and Felicia where he calls her on abandoning them and asks her about her feelings. Let Maxie and Robin decide to honor Georgie’s legacy by spending most of Christmas at the hospital. Have Anna and Robert show up to spend Christmas with their Luv – and in the process, give Mac and Robert the chance to talk about the murders and Anna and Felicia the chance to share the experience of losing a daughter. For the hell of it, have Patrick surprise Robin with a thoughtful Christmas gift at GH.

The Spencers at GH
Lulu should have helped at the Christmas party, and Lucky should have been there with the boys. We should have seen Bobbie with her grandchildren. Laura should have warranted at least a mention.

The Quartermaines remembering Alan and Emily.
The Christmas party this year should have been in memory of the two Quartermaine doctors who died in 2007. Monica should have read the Christmas story. The best suggestion I’ve read for how the story should have been depicted comes from Sligotom, a poster on the General Hospital thread at Television Without Pity:

Ahh in a perfect world where the Hospital in General Hospital still mattered, Monica would have begun to read the story then in the middle broken into tears, A hand would have reached down and taken the book from her "I got this Monica" She would have looked up and there would be Tom Hardy.

The Quartermaine’s second loss could have been the launching point for bringing back other characters in the family’s orbit – and Dillon’s brief visit doesn’t count, in my book. Christmas for the Quartermaines should, in my opinion, include the hospital party, a dysfunctional family dinner at the mansion, and maybe some blackmail. We saw Tracy with Luke (and briefly with Dillon) and Alan as a ghost. It’s shameful.

But, of course, c’est la vie. I can only hope that the higher-ups at ABC Daytime who so smartly canned the headwriters at All My Children and One Life to Live earlier this year will get wise. This Christmas episode was just one more in a long list of missteps this show has been making in the latter years of Robert Guza’s tenure as headwriter.

Then vs. Now: Susan Moore's Murder vs. the Text Message Killer

2007-12-26T21:30:00.000-06:00

After watching Monday’s disappointing Christmas episode of General Hospital, I found myself heading to the soap fan’s best friend, YouTube, to search for clips of Port Charles Christmases past. I’ll address those (plus my opinions on what this year’s Christmas episode should have been) in another post, but this one will focus on a topic inspired by another set of clips found during my search: the problems with the current “Text Message Killer” plot.

Right now I’m in the middle of classic GH fan heaven – I’m in the thick of the Susan Moore murder storyline clips from 1983, which are still being posted by Alan/Monica archivist pxlbarrel. Played by Gail Ramsey, Susan was, of course, Alan Quartermaine’s lover and the mother of current GH main focus Jason Morgan.

I’m only about halfway through the over 60 clips posted, but I’m already stuck comparing this excellently plotted murder mystery to the sub-par storyline currently being penned by Guza and company on the show. What could be so much better about a murder storyline from 1983, you ask? Well, here’s a list of just a few reasons:

1) There is only one victim.

The current storyline is ostensibly focusing on a serial killer – at least, the audience has yet to be provided with any evidence that more than one person is committing the crimes. So far, three women, Leticia, Emily, and Georgie, have been killed, and two – Maxie and Carly – have been almost murdered. The problem with writing a series of murders is that a coherent connection between each character must be established to provide the killer with a clear and logical motive. Leticia and Carly are connected through Michael and Morgan (or Sonny’s business), and Emily can be peripherally linked to the two of them in this way as well. Maxie and Georgie are sisters, and therefore they have a clear common link; however, connecting the two of them with Emily, Carly, and Leticia takes a major logical leap.

2) Believable motives and logical suspects.

Because the Susan Moore murder involved only one victim, the writers didn’t give themselves the difficult task of making the connections between victims. Susan’s murder has been all the more compelling for me so far because so many people had so many motives for killing her – the crime could easily be assigned to Edward, Monica, Alan, Crane, Scotty, or Heather. By writing reasons for each person to be motivated to murder – Edward, Monica, and Alan by the blackmailing over Crane Tolliver, Monica and Alan by Alan and Susan’s previous love affair, Crane by fears that Susan was cheating him out of his share of the blackmail take, Scotty by Susan’s threats to prosecute him for forgery, and Heather by her love for Susan’s husband and her jealousy over Alice’s preference for Susan – the writers in 1983 developed a story in which the viewer really could be kept guessing about the murderer’s identity because so many could plausibly have committed it.

Because she is the sole victim, it’s also easier to see the murder as a crime of passion – something not nearly so psychopathically complicated as serial murders by one person. The writers of GH in 2007 are trying to make the audience believe that a character previously established on the show could have hidden reasons to brutally murder three (and almost five) women in town. So far the hinted suspects include:

-- Cooper, who until December was shown to be a caring and sweet man (even if he did help hijack the Metro Court),
-- Johnny, who only showed up in town in the autumn, allowing the viewers mere weeks to care about him and him mere weeks to establish relationships with Leticia and the subsequent victims,
-- Nikolas, who has only recently started exhibiting erratic and violent behavior after over a decade on the show,
-- Daniel, a dayplayer working at Kelly’s who has been on screen a total of once and was reported as being a little sinister,
-- and Logan, who was revealed to be a Baldwin in the summer and, although he has exhibited an anger-management issue in the past, has no clear connections to all murders and an alibi for Georgie’s.

Motives in 1983 were built on characters holding genuine grudges for real reasons, on characters possessing weapons and showing up missing in realistic ways. We suspect Scotty because he had real reasons to kill his wife, and because he really looked like he could in their final argument. We suspect Monica because we believe that she really would kill rather than see A.J. disinherited by the woman who stole her husband. We’re supposed to suspect Coop in 2007 because he followed through with military orders and stares menacingly over Maxie’s shoulder after a summer of sweetness and vulnerability? It’s insulting to my intelligence as a viewer, frankly.

3) Her murder doesn’t seem to be a direct consequence of her gender.

Killing off one woman also doesn’t have one major side effect of the multiple murders of women on today’s show: the serial murders make Guza and the other writers look like misogynists. As much as the writers of today’s GH seem to want to believe that they’re writing for the target audience of The Sopranos, women still make up the majority of the viewership of soaps. Watching a series of gruesome murders – and strangling is a gruesome, violent way to decide to kill characters – of fellow women surely isn’t what those tuning into the traditional “Love in the Afternoon” timeslots are looking for. Susan Moore’s murder, while she is a female character who is gunned down, does not leave the same sort of terrible taste in the viewer’s mouth – it’s not as if the writers in 1983 went on to have Lesley, Monica, Rose, and Holly all shot as well, after all.

(Don’t even get me started on the disturbing resemblance of the abbreviation for the Text Message Killer (TMK) and the brutal BTK murders of women in the real world. It’s just terrifying that I would find such a comparison in the world of supposedly escapist television.)

4) An effective police department.

Moments after discovering Susan Moore’s dead body, reporter Jackie Templeton phoned the police. Not long after that, Commissioner Robert Scorpio showed up at the door with a gaggle of officers and began barking orders, rounding up suspects, and generally taking control of the situation. Contrast that with each of the murders shown on screen this year. While Commissioner Mac Scorpio has showed up, he has rarely showed such presence – most of the time the PC Police Department seems less capable of gathering evidence and solving the crimes than computer geek Spinelli. Detective Harper shows up at Wyndemere after many of the prime suspects in Emily’s murder have already left for the mainland; the crime scene is not secured, and character after character is given access to Emily’s dead body. We’re also lacking investigative scenes; one line-up including a character we’ve just met does not equal an investigation. None of this is surprising, though, on a show in which the mobsters are smarter and more heroic than the good guys…

5) Sensible pacing.

On today’s GH, the serial-killer storyline seems to be almost an afterthought on some days. The Susan Moore story was sensibly paced – the writers took the time to establish the story before the murder and spent plenty of time letting the aftermath play out after the murder took place. Emily’s murder has almost faded into the background, and except for Carly’s interview with her new babysitter, Leticia’s has all but disappeared completely.

6) No gimmicks.

Boy, nothing curdles the blood like “UR NEXT,” huh? Guza’s clumsy attempts at attracting a younger audience by using texting as the gimmicky communication method of the killer takes me completely out of the suspense. The Susan Moore murders were predicated on good, old-fashioned murder mystery fodder: blackmail money, ruined reputations, love gone awry, and genuine ill feelings. Susan didn’t need to receive a text from her killer announcing that she should “B AFRAID” to convince the audience that she was afraid when that gunman showed up in her bedroom.

The use of technology on General Hospital recently has had the exact opposite of its intended effect; instead of heightening the suspense, it circumvents natural obstacles in unrealistic ways and robs the audience of opportunities to see characters act in creative and resourceful ways to solve problems. Where’s the suspense in Lulu Spencer’s sudden disappearance if Spinelli can hack into any security camera and miraculously track her movements? What’s the fun in a paternity secret if anyone can access the hospital database and automatically learn the truth? How is a military secret suspenseful if the Department of Defense’s military databases are so vulnerable to teenage slackers? If the killer can be tracked by text messages – but he can also hack into any phone to make it look like random citizens of Port Charles are doing the texting – where’s the audience supposed to go?

I could go on, of course. I’m so thoroughly enjoying the Susan Moore murder clips and am so thoroughly disgusted by the lazy and incompetent storytelling on the show today that my ranting could probably continue ad infinitum. But instead, I’m just going to snuggle up under my quilt with my laptop and continue to discover soaps when they were good – when Robert Scorpio, Scotty Baldwin, and the Quartermaines were embroiled in a real murder mystery in 1983. I invite all of you to watch the clips, compare the stories, and weigh in on the discussion!